Application for Specialty Doctor in Homeopathy
Background. This has come about because of a tweet by @xtaldave who drew attention to NHS Tayside’s decision to sack 500 staff, but still advertise a £68,000 per year post for a homeopath. The result has been some interesting "job applications" drawn to his attention through Twitter. (Don't know how to link to single tweets. Damn.) Here is my attempt:
Dear Sirs/ Madams,
Herebelow please find my appliction for the post of Speciality Doctor in Homeopathy.
Having read some skeptics' applications on the internet I am applying for this position as I realise I am best suited for this post. A friend of a friend of a friend does Homeopathy so I feel I have a link, a connection with the subject. I don't know long words like some of the applicants but I have a good eye for making up a good word, much in the way my old dentist did to me as a child when using "mesio-occlusal cavity" and "distal occlusal" when all he meant was "You've got holes in your teeth, lay off-a-da-sweeties little girl. I'm gonna have to fill them with my chug-chug drill (before the high speed whistley drills) now lie back and look at the bright light." In fact I used to think it was mesalocclusal and it's only because I can now look this word up on the Internet that I now know the correct spelling. See how easily I can lead away from the subject and indeed any awkward questions a "patient" might ask in a homeopathy situation.
My suitability can be further proven by my connection with Jack Temple, a healer who I knew when I was a teenager and who gave me my first job on his Nurseries. A google search reveals that in later life he healed well known (rich) people and royalty, reference being made to Cherie Blair and how she went to him with bad ankles and he gave her strawberry leaf tea grown in his own stone circle. What the Internet doesn't say is that he ran "Woking Adventure Group" which I "joined" as a teen. We used to go to his house in Pyrford and carry canoes down to the river for a paddle or go on one of his trips to Durdle Door camping in the summer. My first tent experience was a white one he lent me with no sewn in groundsheet. The group did canoeing, rock climbing, aqua-lunging, sailing and as a direct result of this I spent the next fourteen years of my life rock climbing and did a fair bit of canoeing too. Now that is what he should be known for. The only time I encountered the healing side was one day I called to his house for some reason. He started swinging crystals around but I wasn't that interested and he never tried again.
So you see I have the right background. My friend of a friend of a friend and Jack Temple are proof indeed that I have imbibed all I need to know about Homeopathy from The Respected.
